+ I want // Thursday, October 23, 2008
out. I can't help but feel nostalgic. Why am I like this? I honestly, honestly, honestly want out. This life doesn't feel right anymore. Nothing feels right anymore. Nothing makes sense, nothing fits, nothing works, nothing happens. It's mundane, this life. Tiresome. Tedious. Wearisome.
Boring. That's the perfect word for this: boring. This life...no, this can't be called a life. This existence is arid, bland, colorless, lifeless. It lacks the vitality it used to contain. It has lost the excitement. There's not much to look forward to, not much to wait for, not much to hope for. It's a line. An endless line. Reaching, for all eternity, to nothing. Stretching and stretching to a nothing. There is nothing on this line, nothing worth living for. Ugh. Why am I feeling all this? It's depressing. This life is depressing. Always being put last, always at the bottom of the list, at the bottom of the food chain. It's like...there's no demand. Not one ounce. Sad, sad, sad. Something needs to pull me out of this rut. No, I need to push myself up and out. Because no one knows how I feel, no one knows about all this except for me. I'm the only one who can get myself through. I want out. I want to be freed of all these chains I've created these past 15 years. Restart, you know? But that's just not possible. Restart, restart, restart.
I want out. There's no better way to put it. Tired of all this. This stupid existence. It's all come to nothing. It's never been anything. Just there and nothing more. Out, far away, away from all these people that I know, that I've grown attached to, that I've grown to almost love, and all the situations, events, memories that are burned into my very flesh, into my very mind. No.
Restart.
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